What the hell is happening? Life has thrown quite a bit at me as of late:
-Jessi and I purchased everything to have a screen printing shop in our garage. 6 color press, conveyor dryer, flash dryer, exposure unit...everything. We are trying to make a go of it.
-2 days later, Jessi almost dies. She ends up having emergency surgery for a ruptured ovarian cyst and stays in the hospital just shy of a week. Dr. said that he's only seen one other rupture that bad in his 18 years of being a surgeon. She has 1,500 cc's of blood floating around in her stomach. Sound like I'm bragging? I assure you that I'm not.
-Got a new job at a print shop in Cape Coral. Worked one day before Jessi got sick. Thankfully, my new boss knows Jessi and was completely understanding.
For almost two weeks after we got home from the hospital, Jessi couldn't do much of anything. It's amazing how fast things, simple things, build up and get out of control. A house gets unruly quick. I felt quite a bit overwhelmed having to go to work at a new place, help Jessi do even the most basic things like get up and sit down, tend to the animals and all the domestic shit. I managed well and had great help from my mom and aunt, Jessi's mom and others who wold come hang out with her while I was at work.
Fast forward about a month. Jessi and I are back at work full time, but she is still hurting and can't do too much. She is on "light duty" at work and is having a hard time realizing that it will still be weeks/months before she is back to normal. Her self-esteem is low and she is having a hard time with the whole thing. From almost dying to the EMS assholes not taking her seriously to the scar she now has on her stomach, to the pain that has yet to subside all the way, to realizing that she should just sit around for a bit longer - she is depressed. This is hard to see and I'm trying my best to cheer her up and be there for her.
I don't think I really dealt with any of this yet. Maybe I never will. I was scared, of course, but I just did what men do and tried to work through it all. Assigning myself tasks and keeping myself and my mind busy so I never had to deal with the severity of the situation. All of those feelings have manifested themselves in different ways, mainly seeming to come out while I sleep. One of the first nights we were home after being in the hospital, I woke up yelling and screaming 3 times. Sleeping through the night has become even harder of a task the past month.
Now, things are evening back out slowly. But I feel like I don't have enough time to get anything done. My mind races thinking, planning for the screen printing business, how to set up the shop, trying to take everything into consideration when figuring out pricing...
I'm not complaining at all, and in fact, I can't think of a time when I've been this excited and optimistic. But most other activities have suffered. I haven't listened to a record in almost a month. I'm months behind of having the 10th issue of the zine out. I haven't been able to even think of trying to write for either band, or write on this blog or even answer emails.
I have friday's off and it fucking rules. My time away from work isn't even close to being enough, but I am broke and can't take time off. Nor do I want to, working at this new shop is killer.
Enough is enough. Time gets away from me. Am I turning into a weekend warrior? A week night warrior?
Can't stop. Won't stop.
